Thursday, April 10, 2008

An Advance in Napping

I have to admit, napping gives me the willies. Or just bedtime at all. It is the part of parenting that is most likely to make me call my skills and decisions in to question. I always feel it should be easier to put a tired child down for a nap, or to bed; that I should be doing it differently, or that I made a mistake.
Jarrett has never been a good napper, or all that good about going to bed at night either, unless it is pitch dark in the room. Certain times of the day, or even the year, that's an impossible requirement unless we are staying in a hotel. However, even though he fights sleeping, he is generally pretty cheerful about being in his bed, or previously, his crib. He's just not quietly cheerful.
Cara is a whole different ball of wax. She is at best, deeply offended to be placed in her crib;, and at worst, beside herself with grief. At naps and at night, we have had to rock her to sleep and then sneak her into her bed. When she wakes up and screams bloody murder, we have to get her out. Not a big problem at naptime as she will generally sleep at least an hour and a half; but at night, she wakes up about 2 am and by the time we get to her, she is so upset that she doesn't settle back down into a deep and non-tossing sleep for hours. And, since she is in our bed by then, no one does.
I've been thinking a lot about this, feeling kind of badly about sneaking her into her bed, sort of deceitful really. And also worrying that for the long haul, we are not setting up good habits of her not knowing how to go to sleep comfortably in her crib. So today, as naptime approached and I was filled with dread, even contemplating just skipping nap, or laying down with her. She was exhausted, but I wasn't and really was looking forward to a couple of hours to do something I wanted to do. So, I trudged up the stairs with her and as I got to the landing, I had an idea to rock her, read her a story, just like we do every day but instead of rocking her till she was asleep, I placed her in her crib fully awake and spoke to her cheerfully and rubbed her tummy then walked to the other side of her room and began to pick up toys and put them away. She began to cry, but without conviction, she mostly looked and sounded confused, since this was a new approach. Then I left the room to go to Jarrett's and she cried a little louder. I finished what I was doing there and returned to her room and spoke to her a little more and rubbed her tummy again, and restarted the cycle. We went through this over and over for about 10 minutes till she was nearly calm and the upstairs was picked up and then I came downstairs. As I descended I heard her crying increase again, so I took something to the kitchen where I couldn't hear her and then returned upstairs, to find her sniffling in her sleep. I put a few more things away to see that she got to a deep sleep, totally calm, untricked!
I won't say she went willingly to it, but I can see us getting to that point from here more than I can if we continue to trick her into sleeping in her crib. I feel pretty good about this, and I feel really good that we can practice it at naptime when the daylight has the room illuminated enough for me to see to do a little clean up and when Jarrett is at school and not adding another distraction.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

A New Blog


We have been home from China for 5 days now, and I find that I miss journaling on our Baby Jellybeans site. I could keep it up there but in it's way it is sort of un-handy, so I am going to try blogging. I am hoping it is as cathartic as the BJB was. I certainly enjoy reading those of some of my adoptive friends.


Cara is sleeping, an early nap as it happens. Usually, we try to keep to her foster mother's schedule and eat lunch around 11 and put her down for a nap in the neighborhood around 12. Today though, she ate a huge snack and when we laid down on my bed to watch a bit of tv, she played with me and snuggled and then suddenly she was still, with her head on my tummy. I looked down and she was softly snoring away. It occured to me what a lot I've learned since coming home 20 months ago with Jarrett. That would've thrown me into a tailspin when I was such a new mommy. "Oh my Lord...I have to get him UP! He can't sleep NOW! We MUST stick to the schedule!" Jarrett has been a precious gift to me in countless ways, a gift to everyone who knows him...but he has taught me so much and one of his greatest lessons has been to lighten up; most things just don't matter that much. So she sleeps now, she'll eat a little later than usual and maybe we won't get ALL our errands done before we pick brother up from school...big deal. She's so precious and so still. I cannot bear to wake her, and what would be the point of that anyway?


Another contrast...my bed's unmade, my house is still cluttered with the things you buy for a trip to China, bring home unused and don't know where they belong because they didn't live in your house before you bought them for a trip to China and didn't end up using them, or using them all...and so it goes. But, the difference is this clutter is not pushing me toward the edge of the cliff...I have plenty of time to clean up later, a whole lifetime to find homes for umpteen little tiny packages of Kleenex. For now, I think I will lay back down and spoon my sleeping beauty.